In a perfect world, every breakup would be amicable, everyone would be patient and loving and wed all remain dear friends with our ex-lovers. Wed look back fondly at our romantic time together and they would get along with our new boyfriends and girlfriends and everything would be just swell.
Yeah, things dont work like that, as most of us are painfully aware. What I do think is possible, a lot of the time, is being friends with your ex. As long as you arent talking about someone who is too impossibly immature to have a post-relationship relationship, and as long as the break-up was handled honestly and smoothly, Ive never seen why (after a small, necessary buffer time of limited contact) exes cant be friends. It does happen.
Whether you remain friends or if you simply don't care to ever see them again, it's always a good idea to handle your past relationships with care when it comes to being involved in a new relationship. When you make peace with your past, you prevent it from muddling your present and putting up roadblocks to a happy future.
Here are three tips to be mindful of when wading through the complicated waters of past and present relationships.
Stop comparing
Deep down we know that every relationship is unique and every person is different. But even though our brains know it, our hearts wage a constant battle in reminding us not to compare our current lover to partners or circumstances of the past
There likely will be similarities, but making assumptions about the present based on previous experience is not a good idea. You should keep your eyes open for red flags, but you should also give each relationship you have a chance to be unique. Comparing your partner to previous partners is a sure path to dissatisfaction and misunderstanding.
Know when to let it in
Sometimes to keep something from barreling you over with its entire weight, you have to let just a bit of it come through, to relieve the pressure. Obviously, you dont want to keep beating yourself up about love mistakes of relationships past but at the same time, you dont want to forget the lessons. Spend some serious time developing mental filters that allow you to retain what youve learned without harboring the negative feelings about old loves.
Be considerate
If youre friends with an ex and are incessantly chattering about the funny thing they said the other day or the French class the two of you have talked about taking, dont be surprised if this kind of stuff is met with unease and even suspicion by your current significant other. Granted, they should listen to and trust you but remember, they arent in your head.
Yeah, things dont work like that, as most of us are painfully aware. What I do think is possible, a lot of the time, is being friends with your ex. As long as you arent talking about someone who is too impossibly immature to have a post-relationship relationship, and as long as the break-up was handled honestly and smoothly, Ive never seen why (after a small, necessary buffer time of limited contact) exes cant be friends. It does happen.
Whether you remain friends or if you simply don't care to ever see them again, it's always a good idea to handle your past relationships with care when it comes to being involved in a new relationship. When you make peace with your past, you prevent it from muddling your present and putting up roadblocks to a happy future.
Here are three tips to be mindful of when wading through the complicated waters of past and present relationships.
Stop comparing
Deep down we know that every relationship is unique and every person is different. But even though our brains know it, our hearts wage a constant battle in reminding us not to compare our current lover to partners or circumstances of the past
There likely will be similarities, but making assumptions about the present based on previous experience is not a good idea. You should keep your eyes open for red flags, but you should also give each relationship you have a chance to be unique. Comparing your partner to previous partners is a sure path to dissatisfaction and misunderstanding.
Know when to let it in
Sometimes to keep something from barreling you over with its entire weight, you have to let just a bit of it come through, to relieve the pressure. Obviously, you dont want to keep beating yourself up about love mistakes of relationships past but at the same time, you dont want to forget the lessons. Spend some serious time developing mental filters that allow you to retain what youve learned without harboring the negative feelings about old loves.
Be considerate
If youre friends with an ex and are incessantly chattering about the funny thing they said the other day or the French class the two of you have talked about taking, dont be surprised if this kind of stuff is met with unease and even suspicion by your current significant other. Granted, they should listen to and trust you but remember, they arent in your head.
About the Author:
This article was written by the writers of the Datepad.com internet dating company where you can read hundreds more helpful dating articles.
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